OK, another bad night, heartbeat is just throbbing like mad, so I thought “Well, let’s see if this is something from the Paxil that’ll go away. . .”

Sure enough, I get onto http://www.paxilprogress.org, and sure enough, there’s my symptoms.  On top of that, it looks like Paxil can cause or worsen mitral valve prolapse – a problem my mother has, which means it’s a definite possibility for me.  I also found out that I need to almost triple the amount of magnesium I’m taking in order to alleviate the problem.  I know I bitched about the attitudes of some people at the beginning of my withdrawal, but they really do have a lot of good information, and are probably the most valuable resource for people on, or getting off of, Paxil that I’ve found on the Internet.

So, this morning I decided to start reading a book I’d picked up from the library last night instead of starting right away on the newspapers. It’s about Adult ADD, which is a bit harder to find information on than childhood – too many doctors decided that ADD is something you “grow out of”, and it’s probably also a lot easier to persuade parents to give medications to their children than to get adults to take it themselves, much more of a guaranteed profit. Oops, that was a tad bit cynical, eh? Well, so I’m reading, and I get to a part in which the author is describing signs of ADD, and she mentions the sensitivity to touch, and that ADD babies are difficult to soothe because cuddling and holding have the opposite effect on them.

My first thought was, as usual, to worry about my own kids. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop looking at every little thing as a warning that they might have this – I know they don’t. But then, a memory came back suddenly. My mom and I had had some kind of fight about something, and my Dad came to talk to me and said that she was probably still mad at me because when I was a baby I refused to cuddle. I still think this is a bit ridiculous, but it did create a little aha! moment for me.

Now I’m getting to the parts about coping strategies. I’m interested to see if there are any I haven’t tried yet that might work better than the ones I’m using.