Ed Brayton at Dispatches from the Culture Wars has a post about Stephen Bennet’s (of Concerned Women for America, of all things) e-mail condemning Mary Cheney’s and Heather Poe’s new baby. Ed’s post and the following comments are good, thought-provoking reading. My feeling is that Mary Cheney is probably the only good thing ol’ Dick has ever produced.

On the CWA site, Matt Barber outlines a similar viewpoint, but I’m a bit confused. . .it seems he thinks that Mary should have done the right thing, denied her sexuality, and settled down with a good man to raise children. She’s a public figure, after all, so she should be sending out good moral messages, regardless of how miserable they might make her. He supports the idea that the sperm donor should be raising this child and poses the question, “One wonders if Ms. Cheney has ever contemplated what her childhood may have been like if she had been denied her own father. ” Oh, I can think of a few things. In fact, if more people denied Dick Cheney the world would be a remarkably different place.

These Concerned Women and “like-minded men” have a whole site that seems to be devoted to mandating what goes on before, during, and after sex. If you look at their Hot Topics, there is exactly one topic, with a measley two articles, that doesn’t address the evils of non-monogamous, non-marital sex, sex education, birth control and abortion, or various forms of biological research. And for an organization of concerned women, they certainly seem to be opposed to women’s rights in general, judging by their full section of articles opposing CEDAW (Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women).

As with the message that Ed cites, all these other essays and soundbites are simply trying to make it sound that it’s a good thing to support a traditional Christian family with a married mother and father and legitimate children – so much so that discriminating against anyone outside of the mold is not only justifiable, but should be encouraged and even legally required. The writing style suggests that this is so incredibly reasonable that only a crazy or immoral criminal wouldn’t be able to see how clearly it was right. It’s unpleasant stuff. I suppose it’s better than death by stoning, though. A little.

So yesterday was the big day for Ken Ham. His creationist pseudo-museum opened up, and videos of his various promotional interviews began popping up on YouTube; bloggers everywhere were posting all the linky goodness. He once again was telling the world about how science was responsible for atheism, which in turn was responsible for all the evils of the world, so I went wandering about looking for some of his more quotable words to use as the basis for a post of my own. I stumbled upon something even more fun, and yet somehow more disturbing. . .Dare 2 Share, a how-to site for Junior Proselytizers. The link is to the page on converting atheists, agnostics, and “evolutionists”.

If you’ve ever been to Answers in Genesis (sorry, I will not link to that icky place) you’ll recognize a whole bunch of stuff. Now, AiG is kind of a “Bible Science for Dummies” site, filled with absolutely amazing and stunning and facty-factlike biblefacts that will amaze and stun you with their factoidality, and make you immediately declare Jebus your personal lord and savior. Unless you actually know a little science and realize that all the points have been addressed and debunked by scientists quite some time ago, but somehow have not lost their truthiness enough to be removed from the list. Well, this is AiG Lite. It consists of only the most basic and simplistic arguments and misconceptions, framed in such a way that even the youngest proselytizer can sound uneducated.

Let’s start with the description:

How do I Reach Atheists, Agnostics, or Evolutionists for Christ?
Who are they?
Atheists are those who believe there is no God. Agnostics are those who believe no one can know if God exists. Evolutionists are those who hold to the belief that life spontaneously erupted from non-living chemicals.

*sigh* Let’s start by telling the kids that evolution and abiogenesis are the same thing. This way, not only can we make the “evolutionists” sound even more sinful than they are, but we can simultaneously avoid the danger of them learning anything about evolution.

Atheists usually hold to some sort of moral code.
Note: This is where atheists are inconsistent. Although they don’t believe in a moral lawgiver (God), they do believe in morals (i.e., “murder is wrong”). However, if there is no God, there are no morals!

Can you believe it?!?!?! So be careful, because when you tell them that they don’t really have any morals, they might kill you because God won’t stop them. They also eat babies with barbecue sauce.

Agnostics hold to some sort of moral code. (See above note.)
Note: The word “agnostic” literally means “one without knowledge.”

The Agnostics won’t even know they’re killing you, so be extra careful. They don’t eat babies, but they might kick your dog. Oh, and make sure you tell them that they don’t have knowledge. They’ll appreciate the information.

And on to the best part. . .

Evolutionists:
Matter is eternal.
Evolutionists are forced to believe that matter has always been here!
Spontaneous generation.
Evolutionists believe that life spontaneously erupted from non-living chemicals (gases, star dust).
Time + chance = any possibility.
Evolution uses the formula of billions of years plus luck (chance) to prove the possibility of evolution.
From disorder came order.
The basis of evolution is that from utter chaos (i.e., the Big Bang) came total order.
From non-personal matter came personal beings.
Evolutionists believe that personality sprang from a chance combination of chemicals.
Evolution is the foundation of humanism.
The end product of evolution is humanism. It teaches that man is the center of his universe – not God!

Evolutionists are forced to believe in the eternal existence of matter, abiogenesis, random chaos, and (gasp!) respect for their fellow humans in their evil sciencey class dungeons! It’s horrible, the things they’re forced to believe in. In fact, they probably couldn’t even tell you what “non-personal matter” and “personal beings” MEAN!! And ask them if they can ever clean their rooms to their mothers’ standards – that alone is proof that order can’t come out of chaos! Then explain to them about personality springing from a chance combination of chemicals!! Actually, explain that one to me when you get the chance. Not only does it have nothing to do with evolution, but it makes no friggin’ sense at all.

Now to the meat of the matter:

How to witness to them:
Atheists/Agnostics:
Read My Difficult Friend.
Use the four basic questions as outlined in My Difficult Friend.
Use the design argument.
The design argument is this: “Design requires a designer.”
For example: “Do you see this beautiful painting on the wall? It did not just suddenly appear! An artist made a plan and then took his time, creativity, and energy to paint the picture. In the same way, things much more vast, beautiful, and complicated than a painting – like people, plants, and stars require Someone much more creative, strategic, and powerful than an artist. That Someone is God!”
Give the Gospel.
Remember that according to Romans 1:16 the gospel is the power of God unto salvation. This means that it is the message of Jesus Christ that saves. The message is exactly the same for the educated and uneducated. The gospel and prayer are your ultimate weapons!

“My Difficult Friend” gives you advice on how to treat people like they have lived under a rock their entire lives so that they’ll be more open to the Gospel. It looks a lot like a telemarketing sales manual. Tell us how that worked for you, kids.

The design argument – so lame it wouldn’t convince even another Christian. Try it again when that painting has produced its own offspring.

And again, when all else fails, spew bible verses. Get some friends to hold your victim down if he tries to escape.

Evolutionists:
Know what the Bible says about our beginning. Read Genisis 1-3 and realize that if we can not trust what the Bible says in the first verse (“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth”), then we cannot trust the rest!
Read My Difficult Friend.
Use the four basic questions as outlined in My Difficult Friend.
Try to lead them to Christ first before debating with them!
Various questions to ask an evolutionist:
“How could life come from non-living material?”
“Where did matter originate?”
“If evolution is true, what is the basis for morals? law? ethics?
“If evolution is true, then why shouldn’t we murder, rape, and steal?”
“How does a personality or conscience evolve?”
“Which came first, the light or the eye?”

I like how they misspell Genesis. I know it’s dumb to pick on someone’s typing, spelling, or grammar in an argument, but fer cryin’ out loud, it’s the most important book in the world to you, you should at least be able to spell it, eh?

Lead them to Christ before debating them. . .nice trick, since everything on the site so far has been about debating them.

And how’s about some answers. . .
“Hey, isn’t it you guys who say we came from mud?”
“We don’t know. Do you?”
“If the bible is true, what did we do for morals laws and ethics before? What do non-christian countries do for morals and laws and ethics? And if biblical morals, laws, and ethics are all true, how do you feel about slave ownership?”
“How does murder, rape, and theft figure into evolution? Would you be tempted to murder, rape, and steal if I convinced you of evolution? You sick little bastard.”
“Personality and conscience do not evolve. Species evolve. Individuals do not evolve. Pieces of individuals do not evolve. Holy cow, you really don’t know what you’re talking about, do you?”
“Well, duh. Since the universe is older than life on Earth, clearly the stars and sun, which are sources of light, came before eyes, which came after life began as less complex organisms. Oh, and doesn’t your bible say something about the sources of light being created before creatures that could see – oh, wait, it says light came before the sources were created, too. Now I see why you’re confused about this.”

The site has some other hilarious pages. You can learn how to share your faith with Bailey the Buddhist, Sid the Satanist, and even Ryan the Religious. WTF?? There are a couple of pages on how to use “Pirates of the Caribbean” to teach the bible. There are older articles on using Harry Potter, too. (If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em!) It’s also kind of scary, outlining what sounds like a pyramid scheme for god, talking about breaking kids’ hearts so you can bend their knees. It’s supposed to be a teaching tool for evangelicals, but I think it could be a good teaching tool for other kids, too. “See this, Johnny? This is what they call a mind-control cult.”

This is the first time we’ve watched it all the way through. When they announced that they’d chosen the winner of the songwriting contest, I thought it would be something really fabulous. After all, they must have had thousands and thousands to choose from, right?

And we get. . .”This is My Now”??????

The TV reviewer from the Star-Ledger mentioned that the “coronation song” in the past 5 seasons has been just as ooey-gooey and senseless as this one was, but I haven’t heard the others, so I have nothing to compare it to. Except for good songwriting, to which this compares in no way or form. What’s up with that?