We were all up at the crack of dawn this morning. The teensiest beginning of a smidge of the crack of dawn. We threw on clothes and drove to Ortley Beach to watch the sun rise. I don’t remember there being so much trash on the beach last year, but at least it was almost all in cans, which were being emptied by the town as we arrived. There were a few people, lots of them with their metal detectors, and a few who were, like us, there to enjoy the dawn. I don’t understand the appeal of metal detectors any more than I do Bingo. It’s gambling, and it’s expensive and time-consuming gambling. If I want to dream of a windfall, I’ll play the lottery.

Anyway, the dawn was amazing, as usual. You never realize how quickly the sun moves across the sky until you have a point of reference like the horizon. It takes less than 15 minutes from the time you see the first bright edge to when it’s cleared the water.

After, we went to Toms River Diner, had a big breakfast and a ton of coffee. When we got home, I threw on painting clothes, touched up the office and the furniture, peeled up tape and gathered dropcloths and trash, and marveled at my mad painting skills. The girls and I left hubby to assemble his furniture (got him a new desk at IKEA!) and headed out shopping. I hate to buy them clothes before their annual October growth spurt, but it was that or send them to school pants-free. Got back, moved the desk, unpacked bags, and started the job that defines me as a person, laundry. Heh. I joke, of course.

It’s a lovely day. We may or may not hit the beach later today after we think most of the vacationers have gone. We want to move the fishtank back in from the garage, and I’d like to be able to make more of a dent in the laundry because it’s all over the floor and in baskets in my room and it’s not sanding or painting. I think it would be nice to finally read the morning papers, too, and the chairs by the pond are waiting for me.

Besides painting. Vacuum. Sew. Apply Frontline to cats. Only four cats. Thinking about that still makes me sad. Write a check for band shoes. These shoes are cheap – maybe I’ll make the kids wear them all the time. I can’t think about much else, because I’m tired and headachey and it’s still raining, and now my ear is hurting sharply again. My tooth, ear, and neck have never stopped being a bother since. . .what, December? Maybe November. It’s been a long time, anyway. It’s just that now there’s pain, not just discomfort or ache. I’m going to campaign for the doctor to send me in for an MRI or a CAT scan, whatever will see inside my head the best.

It’s my birthday today. I didn’t remember until hubby wished me a happy birthday when he called to let me know he’d gotten to the office in one piece. Funny how they mean less and less as time goes on. Maybe I’ll get excited and throw a big party in three years when I hit 50. It’s been so long since I’ve thrown a big party, and I used to be the hostess with the mostest. I’ll practice by starting to plan hubby’s 50th – if I can pull that off, then maybe there’s hope for me again. Heh. My milestones, though, are based more on the kids’ milestones, or other happenings in life. For the girls, there are changes, significant events, new things in their lives each year. Presents and parties and such make sense. Presents don’t make sense for someone who doesn’t need to wait for something she/he needs or wants (except waiting to be able to afford it, of course). Parties for the sake of socializing, parties to mark an event that everyone can celebrate instead of making one person the guest of honor, those seem more appealing to me. I might need to bring back the annual housewarming party. If we ever get a friggin’ mason to actually come through, we can have a new walkway party, the way we had a new driveway party at the old house, but minus the chalk and tricycles, I suppose.

I’m not really as depressed or down as I sound here, just weatherbeaten. Since the systems that bring rain or snow wreak such havoc on my sinuses and give me headaches and affect my sleep (which gives me body aches, too) I just feel icky overall. When I feel like this, I look at clutter, unfinished projects, and even things I actually want to do as oppressive – and feel like running away from them rather than doing anything about them. Once I get started, I’ll be much better. I should probably blog after I get something done, rather than before I get motivated to do it, ya think?

There’s nothing to stop me from working on the studio except, well, lack of motivation. Once I actually start, it’ll be fine. It’s a nasty rainy day again, and that always messes with my sinuses, making me tired and headachey. Plus, even though I’m making progress, there’s still enough clutter and disarray (and since we’re waiting for flooring, having things this close to being done but not quite is a nagging little mental irritation) to make me want to run away and hide, not do something to take care of it. I’ll do some other little things to get myself started. Empty the dishwasher. Make the bed. Fold some laundry. Stuff like that. *sigh*