Author Archives: Alison

Aug25

Dammitdammitdammit!!!!

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Dammitdammitdammit!!!!

I’ve been up for an hour and a half. It’s 7:13. I feel like death warmed over, And not only do I have stuff to do, but a long car trip, as well.

We went up to the orthodontist in Bloomfield yesterday. Had lunch at Raymond’s on Church St. in Montclair. Went to the IKEA in Paramus, they actually had everything I wanted. Drove back home. Traffic was bad, as usual, interesting driving through simultaneous driving rain with bright sunshine. My back was killing me by the time we made it home, but it was late, so we hopped back in the car, Java Joint in Toms River for dinner then an hour at the library.

So I think I’m so smart. I know I have to finish a little hand sewing, run an errand, and pack before driving back up to Bloomfield, and I’m really wiped, so I’m going to take an Ativan CR (6.25 mg) and go to bed early. An hour later, I’m still awake. My heart is pounding like it wants to get out again. And just to keep me on my toes, it also feels like it’s skipping beats, and slows down at most to 88 beats per minute. The dog is lying against my bedroom door, scratching herself and banging the door in its frame in addition to her usual lifting her head up and down and jangling her collar and tags on the wood floor. A little after 10, I go out and take them off her. I’m still awake at 10:45. Fell asleep sometime after that, but Jeez Louise, I took the damn pill to help me sleep at 9PM. 2AM, I wake up. Go to the bathroom, take my synthroid, go back to bed. 2:30, still awake, heart doing a panic dance again, I took my pillow to the family room. Closed the blinds, turned on the a/c, laid down. Slept, woke up, slept, woke up, slept, woke up, slept, woke up, clock said 5 something. At 6:15 I realized it was an exercise in futility to try to go back to sleep. Meanwhile, the Ativan still has me drowsy (in addition to trying to function on about 5 hours of sleep), so I’m stumbling around trying to make coffee and breakfast like some drunkard, and my goddam heart is pounding like a sledgehammer from inside, and I’m supposed to do all this stuff today and tomorrow AND ENJOY MYSELF!

Aug24

On The Road Again!

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On The Road Again!

Last night, I made an overskirt with a pocket and a muffin cap to go with the Renaissance Faire costume. Carolyn does not want either. Audrey has an overskirt, and made herself a drawstring pouch for her outfit. I might braid myself a belt from some scraps and make a little pouch for cash, but it’s nice to know I’ll have a place for keys and personal items hidden under a big pouffy skirt.

After I finished that, my back was killing me, and it was time for bed. When I was at the doctor yesterday to get something for my infected fingernail (owies!) I also asked for something that would put me really, truly to sleep. She gave me Ambien CR, and I took it and slept a solid 6 hours. That might not sound like much to some of you, but it’s a big step in the right direction for me.

We’re driving up to the orthodontist today, with a side trip to IKEA so I can finish organizing the laundry/computer room and get another table for sewing that doesn’t shake like mad. I think we might visit some people briefly, maybe get some seasoned laver from the Asian market up there, but we’re kind of seeing what happens as we go.

Aug23

Weight Watchers. . .hmmm

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Weight Watchers. . .hmmm

I was really expecting bad news this week.  Disappointed in my weight loss so far, despite sticking to the program assiduously, I happened upon some comments on paxilprogress that a lot of people found that their weight stayed on until they passed the one-year mark post-withdrawal.  I kind of resigned myself to just plugging away and hoping for the best.  And this past week, as I’ve been telling everyone ad nauseam here, my sleep has been shot all to heck, which makes me incredibly hungry, especially for carbs.  I tried, but I really didn’t exercise, and a couple of days I just didn’t even bother to track points, I was so out of control.

Still, I lost a pound this week.  I guess I’m burning off weight through rapid heartbeat.  I wonder if we could market it as the “Scared Silly” weight loss plan?