I have stuff I should do. Heck, I even have stuff I want to do. It’s almost 10AM, though, and I’ve. . .had breakfast, read the paper, gotten a decorating idea that made me uncover and wash some pillows, read e-mail, and visited friends’ blogs. I need to finish my coffee, do my back exercises, shower and dress. I have to clean up the kitchen and make pizza dough. Judy is licking and chewing her leg again, so I have to call the vet, and I need to get someone else to clean the big rug. I want to wash the rest of the rugs, all much smaller than the first one, because it came out so lovely. I need to get my freecycle stuff together, advertise it, and get it out of the house. I want to finish the art studio, but I want to get the bedroom and living room looking finished before I create more chaos. Painting got me close to the frames of the sliding windows and doors, and I realized I’d really like to get those clean, too. Need more vacuum cleaner bags, gotta get a gift bag for Monday’s Bingo Basket, and the fish need wheat germ food, pond needs a good cleaning and a net cover before the leaves start to fall. Stuff, stuff, stuff.

My psychologist calls me a “compulsive tasker”, and it’s true. It’s not as much of a problem as he sometimes makes it out to be – the real problem is that I feel guilty when I’m not doing something I “have to do”, or when I’m doing something I want to do as opposed to “have to do”. Sometimes when I’m looking at clutter and chaos, instead of doing something about it (or accepting it as a natural aspect of my pong-like brain) I’ll think of even more things I should do. This also gives me more things to feel inadequate about because I haven’t done them, either. So I’m working on that.

I’ll finish my coffee, get the pillows in the dryer, exercise, shower, clean the kitchen, make the pizza dough. Then we’ll see where we go from there. If the world ends tomorrow, nobody will care if I got all the rugs spotless. In fact, everything will probably be all messy and dirty, and anyone who bothers to nitpick about such things will never know what dirt was old and what dirt is new. So there.