I’ve been up for an hour and a half. It’s 7:13. I feel like death warmed over, And not only do I have stuff to do, but a long car trip, as well.

We went up to the orthodontist in Bloomfield yesterday. Had lunch at Raymond’s on Church St. in Montclair. Went to the IKEA in Paramus, they actually had everything I wanted. Drove back home. Traffic was bad, as usual, interesting driving through simultaneous driving rain with bright sunshine. My back was killing me by the time we made it home, but it was late, so we hopped back in the car, Java Joint in Toms River for dinner then an hour at the library.

So I think I’m so smart. I know I have to finish a little hand sewing, run an errand, and pack before driving back up to Bloomfield, and I’m really wiped, so I’m going to take an Ativan CR (6.25 mg) and go to bed early. An hour later, I’m still awake. My heart is pounding like it wants to get out again. And just to keep me on my toes, it also feels like it’s skipping beats, and slows down at most to 88 beats per minute. The dog is lying against my bedroom door, scratching herself and banging the door in its frame in addition to her usual lifting her head up and down and jangling her collar and tags on the wood floor. A little after 10, I go out and take them off her. I’m still awake at 10:45. Fell asleep sometime after that, but Jeez Louise, I took the damn pill to help me sleep at 9PM. 2AM, I wake up. Go to the bathroom, take my synthroid, go back to bed. 2:30, still awake, heart doing a panic dance again, I took my pillow to the family room. Closed the blinds, turned on the a/c, laid down. Slept, woke up, slept, woke up, slept, woke up, slept, woke up, clock said 5 something. At 6:15 I realized it was an exercise in futility to try to go back to sleep. Meanwhile, the Ativan still has me drowsy (in addition to trying to function on about 5 hours of sleep), so I’m stumbling around trying to make coffee and breakfast like some drunkard, and my goddam heart is pounding like a sledgehammer from inside, and I’m supposed to do all this stuff today and tomorrow AND ENJOY MYSELF!