Time flies even when you’re not having fun!

New thing – lying in bed, trying to get to sleep, but unable to because the heart is beating so rapidly and hard, and the pulse is whooshing through my right ear.  Rational part of brain says it’s withdrawal or something I ate, but frightened part starts thinking horrible disastrous stuff.  Burning sensation begins in the center of the chest, spreads fairly rapidly down both arms, up the neck.  Rational part, again, recognizes panic attack.  Frightened part is, meanwhile. . .um, having a panic attack. 

After hubby reminded me that I’d had some birthday cake, which undoubtedly had high fructose corn syrup in it, I figured why the heartbeat thing was so bad – I can’t handle that stuff anymore.  However, that only made the heartbeat thing worse.  It wasn’t the cause, because it’s happening every time I lie down, just less so.  And now when the burning sensation spreads, I kind of let it go.  It still makes it awfully hard to sleep, though.  Plus, the zaps are less and less frequent during the day, but they still happen at night, waking me up all night. 

The stomach is better, I’m still a little too dizzy to do a lot of driving.  I went to the new doctor and got all checked out, didn’t get too many lectures.  The headaches are still a daily thing, but still responding to Advil. 

I’m back to wandering around doing a little of this, a little of that, because I get so easily distracted, but I’m dealing with that OK.  I have to, because that’s the way it’s going to be from now on, and I’m not apologizing for it or berating myself for it.  I’ve enlisted the hubby and kids to do things here and there to keep me in line, and have tried to get them to understand that they’ll have to try a few different communications techniques to minimize the distractions for me (Don’t start right in on talking to me until you’ve gotten my attention, and I’ve said OK, I’ve finished the thought I was working on. . .don’t finish my sentences for me. . .stuff like that.)

A lot of feelings are coming back, too.  Some are less welcome than others, but we’ll work on that, too.  It’s nice to be able to cry again, but I wish it wouldn’t happen in inappropriate situations.  Oh, well.  When it does, it’s usually in front of someone who understands, anyway.